FAZES: LESSER THAN 2

 

LESSER THAN II

   "Four is lesser than three, is this true or false?"

"False!"
Four is a number, three another number but four is greater than three, this is the law, this is the reason why we can buy and sell - inequality.
"That is correct," I hear her low voice approve.


  I die another death but I know I'll live this time because it has happened many times before and I know when the beating is too hard for my body to take, I do not even try to run - it only fuels the hits.
 This time I have nobody to defend myself for, this time I am not pregnant. When the tide ebbs, we would make up again, again. Let it go.
  I should protect my face first, now that I hear the click of metal, his belt's buckle. Ah! I like the sound it makes in the air. Sometimes, the pain is pleasurable, those times when he is not drunk; when he actually takes his time to hurt me numb, yes!!! It is only when I am numb that the pleasure starts to trickle in slowly.
  I have told no one, my colleagues in school have noticed and when I lost my child; Nkechi, told me to run before the roof falls on my head.
  Nkechi, the quiet one, always avoiding discussions in the staff room, the math teacher. I notice that she stutters but does not stutter when she corrects another teacher's use of English.
  Nkechi - my husband's latest mistress; she corrects Amanda but says "lesser than" and she said I should leave, for her?  
  Her lithe body would snap, her waist would be dislocated, that sultry walk of hers would become a limp, maybe I should leave.
   I will leave, I would definitely lose my job -  my husband is the proprietor, his younger brother Chuks  is the principal. I have no child for him, I am twenty years to menopause, I still notice admiring stares and I have a certificate from UNN, can I leave?
Arrgh...I must leave him.
But I love Dike, I should leave - for her? For Nkechi.
  Pros and cons. I should stay, he will change, I will change him, I will, I shall try. 
  As my vision blurs and everywhere darkens, as the mantra continues in my head, I am not oblivious to this part of me, the small 'i' that  is still thinking, "What if you do not get someone who can take care of you after you leave?" HE will change.